Myth Busting Anxiety

Myth Busting Anxiety: What Every Parent Needs to Know

There are many misconceptions about anxiety in children that make it harder for parents to understand what is happening and harder to help. I want to address the most common ones I hear in my practice.

Myth one: Anxiety is not a real illness. Everyone has it.

Anxiety is a legitimate, diagnosable condition and one of the most common mental health difficulties in childhood. According to the World Health Organisation, 301 million people globally live with an anxiety disorder, including 58 million children and adolescents.

Everyone feels worried or anxious sometimes. That is normal and healthy. Anxiety becomes a disorder not based on what a child is worrying about, but on how that worry affects their functioning. When the worry is so overwhelming that it continues even after the source of concern has gone, when it affects school, friendships, and daily life, that is when it needs proper attention.

Myth two: Talking about anxiety makes it worse.

This is one of the most common things parents say to me. And the research tells us the opposite is true.

When we are experiencing intense feelings, the amygdala takes charge. It processes the perceived threat and can override more rational thinking entirely. Research from UCLA shows that putting feelings into words, a process called affect labelling, actually reduces the amygdala’s response.

The amygdala, a component of the limbic system, takes charge when your body senses a threat. This is known as the fight-or-flight response. It processes the danger, formulates an appropriate response, and stores the information in your memory for future encounters. This can cause you to become overwhelmed, and can even override more rational thinking.

Children often cannot tell you they are anxious. They may not have the words. So it is worth watching for the signs. Are they clingier than usual? Have old habits returned that you thought they had outgrown? Are they complaining of tummy aches or headaches before school or bedtime?

When you name what you see gently and without pressure, you help your child feel understood and less alone. You do not need to get it right. Wondering out loud is enough.

That must be really hard. I wondered if you might be feeling a bit worried. Many children feel that way and you are not the only one.

For younger children, talking through puppets, soft toys, or Lego can be more natural than direct conversation. Meet them where they are.

Myth three: Avoiding anxious situations will help.

Avoidance brings immediate relief. That is why children do it and why parents allow it. Watching your child distressed is painful and the pull to protect them from that distress is completely understandable.

However avoidance prevents your child from discovering that they could have managed. The feared situation remains unchallenged and consequently the anxiety grows. Over time a child’s world can become smaller and smaller as more and more situations are avoided.

What helps instead is a gradual, supported approach to facing fears. This is sometimes called exposure therapy or a ladder of success. You start with the least frightening version of the feared situation and work up gradually, giving lots of praise and connection at every step. With each step you ask: what did you predict would happen? And afterwards: did it?

Your child needs you to help them identify their fears and then face them alongside you. That is very different from pushing them in at the deep end.

Myth four: My child will grow out of it.

Some children do. Many do not. Anxiety is the most common difficulty in childhood and research consistently shows that children do not simply grow out of anxiety disorders without support. In fact anxiety in childhood is a significant risk factor for depression in adolescence and adulthood.

The earlier support is offered the better. Do not wait and see indefinitely.

Myth five: Anxious children are just shy.

Shyness and social anxiety are not the same thing and it matters that we understand the difference.

A shy child may take time to warm up in new situations but manages reasonably well once they have. A child with social anxiety is full of self-doubt and uncertainty in social or performance situations. They may fear speaking in front of others, eating in public, joining a conversation, or being observed doing anything. They desperately want to connect but the anxiety prevents them.

Social anxiety often becomes more visible during the teenage years when social comparison and performance pressure increase significantly. Recognising it early means it can be addressed before it significantly narrows a young person’s life.

Myth six: As a parent, I cannot help my child.

You can. And the evidence says so clearly.

Research by Jewell, Wittkowski, and Pratt in 2022, a systematic review and meta-analysis, demonstrated that parent-only interventions can be highly effective in reducing child anxiety. Parents have an in-depth understanding of their children that no therapist can match. And how you respond to your child’s anxiety, whether you inadvertently reinforce avoidance or gently encourage courage, makes an enormous difference to the outcome.

This is one of the reasons I am passionate about working with parents directly, not just with children. The more you understand about how anxiety works, the more effectively you can help. And the more confident you feel, the safer your child feels.

Myth seven: My child may never get better.

They can. CBT, cognitive behavioural therapy, has a strong evidence base for treating anxiety in children and young people. With the right support, children learn to manage their anxiety, face what frightens them, and discover they are more capable than the anxiety tells them. That learning does not disappear. It becomes part of who they are.

Developing resilience through facing difficult things, with the right support alongside them, teaches children something that lasts well beyond the anxiety itself.

When to seek support

If the intensity of the worry is significantly affecting your child’s functioning and wellbeing, if it is impacting family life, school, or social activities, or if the level of anxiety feels out of keeping with their age and developmental stage, please do reach out. Early support is always more effective than waiting.

Interested in working with me?

I work with children and young people with anxiety using play therapy, the World technique, and talking therapy adapted to their age and what they need. I also work with parents directly, helping you understand what is driving the anxiety and how to respond in ways that actually help.

You can reach me via my contact page.

Free resources

Understanding Your Child’s Guard Dog Brain explains what is happening in your child’s nervous system when anxiety takes over.

Holding in the Storm is about staying steady as a parent in the hard moments.

When Darkness Comes for support with anxiety and sleep difficulties at night.

All free to download.