The summer holidays arrive with a mixture of feelings, don’t they. If you are a working parent, holiday clubs are often a necessity. But holiday club anxiety is real, and for a child who struggles in new social situations, the transition can be genuinely hard. Here are some ideas that I hope make it easier.
1. Give them some ownership
If your child is old enough, let them have a say in which club they attend. Spending some time brainstorming activities they are genuinely interested in before the end of term means they are more likely to feel invested rather than reluctant. Anxious children in particular tend to cope better when they feel some sense of control over what is happening.
2. Familiarise them before the holiday club begins
Unfamiliar places, people, and routines all create anxiety. The more you can prepare the ground beforehand the better. Show them a picture of the club. Take them for a visit if you can. Consider a trial run where they stay for just an hour and build up gradually. Arrange for a familiar adult to greet them when you say goodbye. Go with a friend if possible. And agree a clear goodbye ritual so the transition feels predictable rather than sudden.
Anxiety likes a plan. The ladder of success is a helpful way to think about this. Each small step on the ladder builds confidence and reduces the unknown.
3. Talk to them about holiday club worries
Research shows that helping children understand their anxiety, giving it a name, explaining what is happening in their body, makes it more manageable. You do not need to be an expert. Sitting with them and talking about what worry feels like, and letting them know you understand because you have felt it too, is often enough to open the conversation.
You can read more about talking to children about anxiety here.
4. Teach simple coping skills
Children often resist being asked to breathe slowly, particularly when they are already anxious. Playfulness works much better than instruction. Pretend to blow out candles together. Blow bubbles. Be ocean waves breathing in and out. The physical act of slowing the breath is what matters, not how you get there.
You can also download my free calm down poster to help your child at the club.
5. Use a transitional object
Sending your child off with something small and meaningful from home makes a real difference. It might be something of yours, a small toy, or a worry stone they can hold when they miss you. Transitional objects give children a physical reminder that love travels with them even when you cannot.
6. Help them with worried thoughts
Anxious children often develop catastrophic thoughts. Something terrible will happen to mum. I will not be able to cope. Nobody will like me. Helping them find a simple counterbalancing thought can interrupt that spiral.
I have managed hard things before. This feeling will pass. Mum or dad is coming back.
Keep it simple and practice it with them when things are calm so it is available when they need it.
7. Use rewards to encourage and reinforce bravery
When your child manages a separation, however small, acknowledge it warmly and specifically. Special time after the club, genuine praise, or a small reward all reinforce the message that they were brave and it worked. Over time they build a store of evidence that they can manage.
8. Avoid giving in to avoidance
When a child avoids a feared situation like a holiday club, it brings immediate relief but maintains the holiday club anxiety over time. They never get the chance to discover they could manage it.
That said, trust your instinct. If your child is genuinely not ready for a holiday club, forcing the leap can make things worse rather than better. A gradual approach, starting small and building, is almost always more effective than an all or nothing approach.
9. Keep the goodbye short and warm
Long, drawn out goodbyes are harder for anxious children, not easier. A warm, confident hug, a clear and consistent goodbye phrase, and handing them to a trusted adult is the most helpful thing you can do. Then leave. Children tend to settle much faster once the parent has gone.
Interested in working with me?
If holiday club anxiety or anxiety around new situations is significantly affecting your child or your family, please do get in touch. I offer one to one therapy for children and young people and therapeutic support for parents.
You can reach me via my contact page.
Free resources
Understanding Your Child’s Guard Dog Brain explains what is happening in your child’s nervous system when anxiety takes over.
Holding in the Storm is about staying steady as a parent in the hard moments.
Both are free to download.
Related reading
Does My Child Have Separation Anxiety?
Anxiety in Children: What to Look For and How to Help
Back to School: Anxiety, Transitions and How to Help
Talking to Your Child About Anxiety
Family Meetings for a Calmer Summer for giving children a voice in planning the holidays.
And if you would like occasional guidance and support straight to your inbox, you are very welcome to join my newsletter.
With warmth,
Catherine
