Therapists like me meet with families all the time. However, you don’t have to be a therapist to implement family meetings at home. It is one of my favourite Positive Discipline tools; many clients find them helpful and cheerful. Meetings every week through the COVID-19 crisis may be necessary. Here are several benefits; you can begin or start implementation straight away. You can read or listen to my audio (nine minutes).
The Benefits of Family Meetings
Family meetings are beneficial for many reasons:
1. They Model Conflict Resolution
Conflict is part of life, whether internal or work, with friends or family. In almost every family, there are times when we fight, shout, and even mock. Modelling discussions and hearing everyone’s views will help your children throughout life. It’s perfect for older children.
2. They can be used for praise
People often meet with their families when there is a problem or conflict between members, rather than when they need praise and encouragement. How often do you say thank you and praise your partner or children? You can use a family meeting to model appreciation and gratitude. How about starting a thank-you jar?
Little notes can be placed to read out throughout the week in the meeting. We all love to be praised and feel appreciated, don’t we?
3. They encourage Problem-Solving Skills
As parents, we often think we need to solve every problem. Sometimes, it’s okay to consider and manage issues together. Sometimes, it is reasonable to ask everyone in the family what the solution is, and then review it. Your children will then feel that they have some involvement in decisions within the home, and this also increases their self-esteem, as their opinion matters to you. This approach is often seen as an Authoritative Parenting Style and the most effective one!
4. They encourage another perspective other than their own
Children, especially teenagers, tend to see everything from their perspective. Meeting together teaches them to see and hear everyone’s perspective, not just their own.
5. They demonstrate time together is Important
Life is hectic, and we have so much more to do. In addition, there are so many social media distractions. How often do you sit together? A family meeting connects, encourages cohesiveness, and may even offer a counterbalance to all those distractions in our lives.
6. They encourage Information Sharing
When I meet with families, it’s interesting to notice who knows what’s shared between family members. Some members of the family have not been informed. A family meeting provides an opportunity for equal sharing. This will undoubtedly prevent children from making up a story. Young children have big imaginations, which can sometimes be distorted. This may be obvious in the pandemic.
In the context of fear, it’s challenging to respond to questions well enough, without escalating further anxiety. Just be mindful of being developmentally appropriate. Children naturally have big imaginations, so think about what they need to know. The NHS has some helpful and straightforward guidelines. More importantly, listen, acknowledge their fears, and tell them they are safe and you are keeping them safe at home. Please limit social media, especially the news. Here are some common questions they may ask:
What is it?
Coronavirus is a kind of germ that can make people feel sick. Remember how the flu made you (family or friends). It can be like getting the flu. Some people think they are just a little bit sick. Some people get a fever and a cough. Sometimes, the cough can make it hard to breathe easily, and it will pass.
How does it spread?
It’s a bit like the flu, and the NHS says:
Because it’s a new illness, we do not know precisely how coronavirus spreads, but similar germs are spread in cough droplets.
Will I die from it?
Most people have not died from it, just like the flu. The doctors are working very hard to help everyone who might be sick. You are safe, and we need to ensure that “worry boss“and “worry wobbler” doesn’t keep those thoughts from going round and round. We don’t want to let it win, so we need to carry on.
7. They can be used to implement simple chores.
Here is a Facebook Post idea; I regularly post posts that are not on my website, so I hope to see you there. Here is my vision for making “chores” a bit more playful. At your family meeting, agree on what you may expect from your children. ( Don’t forget to be age-appropriate) Ask them what they would like to do, and then you or one of them can write the ideas down and place them in the jar. Also, put in some fun things ( I put in stirring the cake mixture), shake it up and ask them to pick one. That could be their responsibility for the week.
Ideas on how to Implement A Family Meeting
You can meet weekly or less. Please give them a positive tone by offering refreshments or snacks. Have some pens and paper, and you can start a family meeting from age three onwards; 10-30 minutes should be long enough. Use common sense, and younger children may need just 10 minutes.
1. Set some simple boundaries
- No talking with someone else
- There could be a rotating chair ( age-dependent)
- Someone can write the views and decisions
- All ideas are welcome
- All opinions are accepted; no mocking or put-downs!
2. Start with something positive:
- Sympathy directs attention to how you feel.
- Empathy is about active listening. It tells your child you are paying attention to how she feels.
- Sympathy is about m, and empathy is about you.
- Empathy has nothing to do with how you feel; it’s about understanding how others think, given their circumstances.
Then go on to:
- Ask everyone else for their opinion.
- Decide on a solution you can live with, and write it down. Put it up so it can be seen and referred to by everyone. A visual/picture form helps younger children understand.
- Set another meeting time to review.
- Don’t worry about moans, groans, other distracting noises, etc. Just keep going.
It’s important to review this weekly and ask everyone their opinion.
I hope this works for you. Many of my clients have found it a positive tool for all ages. If you need more help, contact me for a telephone or secure Zoom meeting consultation. You can follow me on Facebook too. With Love Catherine
