Be an Authoritative Parent, the most effective Parenting Style

What do we mean when we talk about being an authoritative parent, the most effective parenting style?

The authoritative parenting style was first defined by Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist who proposed a new system for classifying parents in the ’60s. Baumrind’s idea was to address how parents control their kids (Baumrind 1966). According to Baumrind’s model, there are three major approaches to parental control. You can read more below:

1. The Permissive Parent:

With this style, parents try to behave non-punitive, accepting, and affirmative towards the child’s impulses, desires, and actions. Parents often consult the child about policy decisions and explain family rules. Many parents have low demands or expectations of their children. Often children are left to regulate themselves, but this can be in the absence of clear boundaries. Children can often misbehave to push their parents into “containing them”, which results in parents constantly feeling confused as they feel they are offering their children space, freedom, and autonomy.

2. The Authoritarian Parent

Attempts to shape, control, and evaluate the child’s behaviour and attitudes following a set standard of conduct; I guess you seek absolute obedience. Unfortunately, many parents use shame and blame to seek control of their children.  I’ve spent many years with adults and children trying to unravel and integrate shame. Shame is a blocking emotion. Hence, during this state, the upper regions of our brains shut down, which means we lose the capacity to reflect and empathise with our children. It may even result in a stand-off, where there is a refusal to say sorry or offer a half-sorry whilst continuing to blame the child.

3. The Authoritative Parent

Attempts to direct the child’s activities but in a rational, issue-oriented
Manner. Parents encourage verbal give and take. They share with the child the reasoning behind the policy. Solicits his objections when they refuse to conform. Unlike the permissive parent, this means that the authoritative parent has boundaries. They offer containment, but with empathy, thought, and reason. More importantly, they are less likely to control their children through shame and blame. We know that being authoritative is the most effective way to parent.

What does an Authoritative Parent Look like:

Gwen Dewar for Parenting Science quotes:

“Some researchers sum it up this way: Authoritative parents are both highly responsive and demanding (Maccoby and Martin 1983). ”

So, what is your parenting style?.

Learn more Authoritative Parenting Techniques at my workshop in April: Cool Down, managing anger, tantrums, and meltdowns (with love, Catherine)

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