You might think starting school is a long way off, and you might not even want to think about it just yet; however, if your child is starting school for the first time or is returning following the holidays. In today’s blog, here are some ideas you can do to help ease the transition for your child and for you too.
Entering a new place with unfamiliar routines and people can create anxiety for you and for your child. Here are some ideas before the to manage any separation anxiety in order for each of you to feel connected and safe.
Most schools do this as a rule of thumb but try to visit their classroom several times. meet their teacher. Talk to the teacher about any worries and see if they can meet them even if they have started school but are entering a new class. Ensure they know where the toilets are if they worry or suffer from enuresis.
Listen to your child’s worries and try not to minimise them if you might be worrying too. It’s normal that there may be trepidation and excitement. You can help them by saying things like:
It might be strange to leave mummy or not be at home, but I know you will be fine once you are there. Let’s think of something you can bring to help you feel safe. What can I do to help you?
This is called a transitional object in the therapy world. It’s just an object that helps your child feel secure away from home. Over the years, parents I worked with have lovely ideas, such as:
- Make a picture necklace of you or the family they can wear or put in their pocket.
- A favourite toy that’s small enough to be in their pocket or pencil case.
- Something of yours, one parent had some precious stones and gave them to their child, so they could use it as a worry stone. Each time they rubbed it, it took the worries away.
- A piece of their lovey or a piece of an old tee shirt of yours
- leaving them a surprise note in their lunchbox
Invite friends around that are going to their school and walk in with them on the day. Go out with them to buy pencil case pens they like for school. Make it fun. Have a dress-up school day play date with some friends, pretend and help them with any fears that may arise.
First day of school
With them, pack their things together the night before. Try not to have a packed weekend before, allow family life to be calm and have some stay at home time. Try and have a routine to say goodbye, such as I will drive/walk you with and then we get to the gates…then I will say goodbye and give you a hug and give you to your teacher, and I will walk away. You can practice this by drawing with them. It will help each of you to feel safe.
Let them know that even though they are in school, they will have a special time. Let them know when this will be, so they know they will have mummy and daddy time. 10 minutes is fine, at least twice a week, but you may want to increase this in the first several weeks. Keep this separate from family time.
Know they may be tired and angry in the first weeks. The child who has not found it easy during the day may rebel when they come home. Listen to their tantrums and continue to set boundaries but show empathy.
Be kind and compassionate to your feelings; It’s a transition for everyone, and for a child to separate, we need to let go too. School is another world, and your child may be very different in each environment. They may wish to leave the baby years behind and tell you I am not a baby anymore. This may be hard for you to understand, and some parents feel the loss of their baby. School may have been a struggle for you; perhaps you were bullied or had an insecure relationship with your mother or parents. Just allow them to arise and tell yourself you are safe, and they are too. Seek support and have the first day coffee morning for the grown-ups to celebrate or seek help.
Good luck, and let me know how it goes or what ideas have worked for you. With Love Catherine
Ref: https://www.handinhandparenting.org
