Please do not underestimate the impact of bullying. It is not a rite of passage. It is not something children should simply toughen up and get through. Research now shows that chronic bullying can cause lasting structural and chemical changes in the brain, with cognitive and emotional effects as serious as other forms of childhood adversity. Those changes can be carried from childhood into adult life.
This is something close to my heart. Bullying matters enormously and children who experience it deserve to be taken seriously and supported well.
What bullying is
Bullying is when an individual or group with more power repeatedly and intentionally causes hurt or harm to another person. The key words are repeated and intentional. It is not a one off falling out or a disagreement between equals. It involves an imbalance of power and a pattern of behaviour over time.
Children are bullied for many reasons, including physical appearance, race or faith, sexual or gender identity, disability, or chronic health conditions.
Bullying can come in many different forms. Children can become the subject of lies. They can be mocked, or called names. Some people may also be bullied physically, by being pushed or shoved, for example, or having their property taken or destroyed.
Cyberbullying
The nature of bullying has changed significantly. What once happened in the playground now happens in private messages, group chats, gaming platforms, and social media, and it can follow a child home, into their bedroom, and into every hour of the day and night.
According to Ofcom’s 2024 report, 32 percent of UK children aged eight to seventeen have experienced bullying online. One in five children aged ten to fifteen experienced cyberbullying in the year to March 2023, with girls significantly more affected than boys. Unlike face to face bullying, cyberbullying can be anonymous, can reach a wide audience instantly, and leaves a digital trail that a child may feel unable to escape.
What the research tells us about the brain
Chronic bullying is not just psychologically harmful. Research from King’s College London and Children’s Hospital Los Angeles has shown that repeated peer victimisation causes structural changes in the brain, particularly in areas linked to anxiety, emotional processing, and cognitive functioning. These changes can persist into adolescence and beyond.
The stress caused by bullying also affects cortisol levels, the body’s stress hormone, in ways that can create an overactive threat response that does not switch off even when the bullying stops. A child who has been chronically bullied may remain in a state of high alert long after the bullying has ended, because their nervous system has been shaped by it.
This is why early support matters so much. The brain is still developing and the right help at the right time can make a real difference to long term outcomes.
You can read the King’s College London research here.
For a clear accessible overview of the neuroscience, the Dana Foundation and BrainFacts both summarise the research well.
Why children often do not say anything
Your child may not be telling you what is happening. Not because they do not want help, but because they feel ashamed, hopeless, or worried the bully will retaliate. They may fear not being believed. Heartbreakingly, some children have begun to believe they deserve it.
Knowing this can help you watch for the signs rather than waiting for them to speak.
What you might notice
Changes in sleep, nightmares, or reluctance to go to bed. Sudden physical symptoms, particularly before school. Not wanting to go to school or making excuses to avoid it. Withdrawal from friends, family, and activities they used to enjoy. Increased anxiety around their phone or social media. Asking for money unexpectedly. Panic attacks. Aggression that seems out of character.
None of these signs prove bullying is happening. But any significant change in your child’s mood, behaviour, or physical health is worth taking seriously.
What helps
Listen without reacting. Your child needs to know they will not be in trouble and that you will not make things worse by losing your temper or going straight to the school without talking it through first.
Tell them clearly it is not their fault. And mean it.
Ask what they think would help rather than telling them what you are going to do. Children who feel they have some agency in the situation cope better than those who feel things are being done around them.
Do not tell them to ignore it. That advice does not work and can make a child feel dismissed.
If the bullying is happening at school, look at the school’s anti-bullying policy and follow their procedures. Ask to speak to a teacher or pastoral lead. Most schools take this seriously when it is raised clearly.
Useful organisations include:
Anti-Bullying Alliance
NSPCC
Childnet for online safety and cyberbullying support
Safer Internet
Interested in Working with Me
If your child’s mood or behaviour has deteriorated, if they are struggling to feel safe, or if the impact of bullying is affecting their daily life, please do reach out. This does not have to be managed alone.
I work with children and young people who have experienced bullying, helping them process what has happened, rebuild confidence, and find a sense of safety in relationships again. I also work with parents, thinking through how to support your child and how to navigate the systems around them.
You can get in touch via my contact page.
Free resources
Understanding Your Child’s Guard Dog Brain
Both are free to download.
