Do you tell your children to do it because I said so?
Does it work for you? I suspect it’s likely that this way of parenting is pretty ineffective in encouraging Cooperation. Do you notice it escalates power struggles between you and your children? You can read on for three phrases to say instead of I told you so!
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When……then commands for Cooperation.
You say to your children the same consequences of their behaviour. E.g. When you set the table, you can watch the television, or when you bring your washing down, you can go out with your friends. Then ignore the protests, grumbles or gripes. Stay firm. You use this when they can comply, and then you must follow through with the consequence. Keep them short, and if you ask them to set the table and give lots of explanations, your child will not remember what you’ve even said.
2. Give limited Choices for Cooperation
We need to offer a child some control but in a contained way. Give them two choices, using language such as:
• Feel free to do this or ……
• You may either ….. or …..
• What would you like to do first?
Wait; you may choose something for them if they don’t choose. You could say, ok, maybe it’s hard to decide right now, so I will decide. Let your child know that they will have the opportunity to choose again.
3. Offer Do commands for Cooperation
If you ask your child,” Would you like a bath now, or would you like to go to bed? You are a bit stuck when they say no! So place the verb at the beginning, so they know how to act immediately. Many explanations will get lost and confused due to their underdeveloped emotional brain.
- E.g. Walk Slowly
- Speak quietly
- Go to bed
Happy Cooperation, and remember you are still the parent. With Love Catherine
