The Power of Play and How You Use it to Help Your Child De-Stress

Play is essential for children and adults, too.

Most of us don’t realise that play is universal, whatever the culture or society. The only difference is the attitude concerning the nature and value of space in each community.

Did you know that we have found evidence of the prevalence of play since prehistoric times, such as dice and gaming sticks? Play materials such as stones. In China, they have discovered models of pottery and metal, probably used as toys.

A common theme in my clinic is parents arriving with a child who is anxious, hyperactive, angry, clumsy, watchful, or shut down. The roots of this can vary hugely, a stressful pregnancy or birth, postnatal depression, illness in early childhood, but the underlying picture is often similar. These children need help reconnecting to their own bodies and minds. Until a child can feel the link between what is happening in their body, what they are feeling, and how they behave, they tend to stay stuck in either impulsivity or shutdown. This is what I mean when I talk about emotional dysregulation, something I explore more fully in Is Your Child Emotionally Dysregulated?

Play is one of the most powerful ways back into the body. Here are the techniques I use most often in my own practice.

Touch and massage

Touch is one of our earliest forms of sensory awareness, so give your child plenty of opportunity for it. A hand or foot massage releases oxytocin, the connection hormone, and can genuinely help settle a dysregulated nervous system. Some children respond best to a light touch, others need firmer, deeper pressure, it is worth experimenting to find what actually helps your child.

Water play

Most of us already know how relaxing a bath can be, and the same soothing effect works for children, whether at the sink, in the bath, or in the sea. It is also a lovely, low-pressure excuse for closeness. Some children I have worked with barely speak until they have properly soaked themselves in water play first, the sensory experience seems to open something up before words follow. If your child is frightened of water, go slowly, start with dipping toes into a foot bath and build from there, or take them out to jump in puddles in the rain, which feels like play rather than a challenge.

Clay

I love clay. It is messy, soft, malleable, and endlessly forgiving, you can push it, bash it, squash it, and remake it into almost anything. That combination of tactile and kinesthetic experience makes it particularly good for anger and anxiety, giving big feelings somewhere physical to go.

Sand play

Sand has a rich texture that some children find difficult at first, but it is a genuinely powerful medium for storytelling. I trained in Lowenfeld sandplay, and I still find it one of the most valuable tools I have. Give your child a sand tray, along with small figures, animals, family figures, precious stones, odds and ends, and let them build a world. Observe slowly and gently, without directing, this is their world to build, not yours to guide.

Building a self-soothe box

This comes from dialectical behaviour therapy, and I use it with adolescents as well as younger children. Help your child choose a collection of calming sensory items, soft fabrics, feathers, a favourite soft toy, smooth stones, something to listen to, anything that genuinely helps their body feel calm. The trick is practising with the box when your child is not stressed, so touching and exploring each item, and noticing what calm actually feels like in their body. This becomes familiar before it is ever needed in a difficult moment. Dysregulated children often feel physically uncomfortable in their own bodies.They can sometimes visibly jerky or clumsy, and the more practice they get returning to calm, the more at ease they become generally. If you would like to build your own version of this alongside a matching toolkit for big feelings, I cover both together in Five Positive Ways to Manage Anger.

Mirror work and mindful noticing

Many children and teenagers struggle to feel safely at home in their own bodies. A mirror can help here, start gently, with just their face, and build outward slowly from there over time.

Mindfulness can help too, and starting with an object rather than the body itself feels much less exposing for a child. Give them a small toy or object to hold, for a minute or longer with an older child, and ask them to touch it, squeeze it, notice it with as many senses as they can, then describe what they found. The classic raisin exercise works the same way: give your child a raisin, ask them to really notice it before eating it, and then ask what they noticed. Small exercises like this build the same skill, real awareness of the present moment in their own body, which is ultimately what helps a child find their way back to calm.

Interested in working with me?

If you would like more tailored support for your child or family, I offer one to one therapy for children and young people, therapeutic parenting support for parents, and training and consultation for professionals working with children and families. Please do get in touch if you would like to find out more.

You can reach me via my contact page.

Free resources

Understanding Your Child’s Guard Dog Brain explains what is happening in your child’s nervous system when big feelings take over.

Holding in the Storm is about staying steady as a parent in the hard moments.

When Darkness Comes includes specific support for sleep difficulties and anxiety at night.

All free to download.