Every parent wants a secure, loving, joyful connection with their child. It makes everything else worthwhile. And it’s what makes children more likely to cooperate too. Here are some simple things to weave into daily life. Small enough to become part of your routine, without any real effort.
Through touch
We underestimate touch. Hugs matter. You feel better when someone holds you, don’t you? So try to hug your child throughout the day. Tousle their hair. Sit close. Lie down beside them. Teenagers need this just as much, they just need it offered at the right moment, not forced.
Through massage
We’re social creatures, and touch does something real, even if we don’t fully understand why. A simple massage releases oxytocin, the calming, connecting hormone, and brings stress hormones down at the same time. You don’t need the whole body. Feet, back, arms, that’s enough. Your child will love it. And you’ll notice them calmer afterwards too.
Through small, everyday moments
We overrate the big trip, the big present. Underrate the small stuff. 15 to 20 minutes of real attention. A shared game. Repeated often, that’s what actually builds a secure bond, more than any single grand gesture ever will.
Through words
Language matters. So does tone. A few phrases worth trying: “I love you this big”, arms spread wide. Make up your own silly version. “I love you from the earth to the moon and back.” “You made my day by…” Make up a pet name, just between the two of you, mine was Toots in my family. Tell them you missed them when they’ve been away. Tell them what you were thinking about them during the day while they were at school. “I’m so happy to see you, I’ve been waiting for that smiley face all day.” “No one other than you gives such great hugs!”
Lastly, always tell your child you love them. Whatever they do or say. Forever. When a child knows they’re loved unconditionally, the connection and attachment between you stays secure for life.
Interested in working with me?
If you would like more tailored support for your child or family, I offer one to one therapy for children and young people, therapeutic parenting support for parents, and training and consultation for professionals working with children and families. Please do get in touch if you would like to find out more.
You can reach me via my contact page.
Free resources
Understanding Your Child’s Guard Dog Brain explains what is happening in your child’s nervous system when big feelings take over.
Holding in the Storm is about staying steady as a parent in the hard moments.
When Darkness Comes includes specific support for sleep difficulties and anxiety at night.
All free to download.
Related reading
Is It All About the Relationship? Attachment Styles in Parenting
Special Time: How 15 Minutes a Day Can Deepen Your Connection
Emotion Coaching: The Power of Connection
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With warmth,
Catherine
