I am just completing the theme of anxiety this month, and as it’s such a potent topic, I am sure that I will be returning to it in the future.

As a therapist, I work with parents with questions and misunderstandings about anxiety every week. Anxiety is a natural and normal feeling; everyone experiences it from time to time.

The response has evolved from prehistoric times, and it was our body’s way of preparing for a challenge, and it is our alarm system when we are in danger or need to be cautious. We have a biochemical response, and our bodies release certain hormones (adrenaline and cortisol) to help with the answer, often called a fight or flight response.

Even in the best of situations, your baby, toddler and teen suffer from anxiety from time to time. It’s perfectly normal to feel dread, apprehension, fear or distress when faced with new situations, taking tests, be frightened of the dark, dogs, monsters and ghosts.

Anxiety is ordinary and necessary.

As a parent, be reassured that your baby, toddler, and teen will feel anxious from time to time. At times in their development, they are more likely to express worry. They may need to rely on you more and seek a retreat into the home. Toddlers may be scared when they leave you; school-age children may become worried about starting a new school or moving. They can move on with these fears with no lasting effects.

You can support your child or teenager at these times by:

  1. Remember, your child may yet be developed an emotional language for anxiety.
  2. They may express anxiety by physical symptoms such as tummy aches, headaches, self-harm, skin picking and pulling hair.
  3. Please help your child by teaching them feeling words.
  4. Accepting and validating your child’s worries
  5. Listening to worries with full attention and gently helping them to distinguish between facts and fears.
  6. Ask them what you can do to help them feel safe.
  7. Patiently encourage your child to face the situation one step at a time and repeatedly to feel safe, and the situation becomes manageable.

Typical Childhood Fears

Infancy

Babies can differentiate between familiar and unfamiliar faces, so they notice strangers and may cry and cling to you. It’s expected around 7-9 months.

Early and Middle Childhood

As your child feels safe and develops a secure attachment, they may become upset, cling, cry, or say they have a tummy ache when you are apart; it’s called separation anxiety, which usually fades. Between 3 and 6, children are mastering what’s real and not. At this age, they struggle to determine what’s fact or fantasy. They are afraid of the dark, monsters, snakes, and ghosts. This can be why children at this age can develop night-time fears.

As they grow older and develop their cognitive capacity, they become more conscious of their peers. They can become more preoccupied with social acceptance and academic and physical performance.

Teenagers

The focus is on peer and social acceptance and how they fit into this but in addition to the broader world.

Red Flags of concern

It would help if you were concerned when your child’s worry impacted their functioning. You may notice

  • excessive worry most days of the week; for weeks on end, and your child seems tense and unrelaxed for most of the time
  • and has a lot of physical symptoms?
  • They engage in endlessly repetitive behaviours such as checking and washing.
  • They are avoiding social situations or other typical days to day activities.
  • The typical developmental fear is age-inappropriate.

The worries may seem ordinary, but when the concern stops them from going on with their daily functioning, it becomes an automatic response to most situations. In addition, any normal fear is age-inappropriate and expands beyond the typical lifespan.

This could prevent them from going to school, being away from you, sleeping without you, or avoiding social situations. This is the time to get help as it’s unlikely that the anxiety will go on its own accord, and it’s not just a normal phase. Most parents come to me in desperation, trust their instinct, seek help and allow anxiety not to be the boss in their home.

I hope this has been helpful for you, and there are two different blogs on my website, one of which is for valuable Apps for teenagers or your book now for my new online parent talk on Parenting your child with anxiety.

Do one action today to help your child feel safe, loved, and secure and do send me questions on next month’s theme: sibling rivalry.

With love Catherine

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