Are you concerned your child is dysregulated right now? Are they having endless tantrums and appearing to be triggered by anything? Their moods are up and down, and they never seem to stay calm. Do they seem distracted and fidgety? These types of behaviours may be typical. Therapists use this term to describe developmentally inappropriate behaviour rather than label a particular disorder. How come?
Were you aware that children are not naturally born with the skill of self-regulation? Instead, their brains develop this ability until they reach the age of 25. Due to this, children often have difficulties with self-regulation, which is considered normal between 18 months and three years old. It is common for some individuals to experience behavioural issues well into adulthood, which is why it is important to seek assistance at this time.
What is Self/Emotional Regulation?
When does it start?
It is important to remember that children under the age of four are not yet equipped to handle intense emotions. So, when dealing with a frustrated three-year-old, keep this in mind. As a parent, you are the first source of emotions for your baby. They experience strong emotions and sensations, but they are unable to comprehend them. You can assist them by acknowledging, comforting, and explaining their feelings. By reflecting their emotions, you are allowing them to feel understood and secure. Soothing your baby helps them relax and learn how to calm themselves, a skill that will continue to develop until they reach the age of 25. This process is known as self-soothing/regulating and is ongoing.
Click child’s on the video below to learn more about your child’s brain and to get some more ideas on parenting. I have had lots of lovely feedback on how helpful the video is. Please share it with someone who might help.
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Why do some children struggle?
There are various factors that can contribute to a child’s difficulty in being soothed, such as their inherent temperament and potential birth trauma experienced by either the mother or the child.
But what about Neurodiversity?
Neurodiversity is not a diagnosis, and recognising neurodiversity in an individual does not need a diagnostic assessment. Neurodiversity is a term that recognises people’s experiences and responds differently to the world around them. This different perspective can lead to new ideas, scientific breakthroughs, creativity, or unique skill sets. Individuals may also have aspects of life they find more challenging, for which they require additional support at school and different parenting and behaviour management approaches.
Neurodiversity includes conditions such as autism, ADHD, dyspraxia, dyslexia, language disorder, coordination disorder, Tourette syndrome, and learning disabilities. Many people have features associated with various neurodiverse conditions, but not necessarily a full diagnosis. Everyone is unique and has different needs, skills, and capacities to regulate.
The environment can also play a part in neurodevelopmental disorders, such as ADHD.
With ADHD/ADD, it is helpful to provide the following:
- Track environmental distraction
- Movement breaks
- Chunked learning
- Regular exercise
- Good sleep patterns
And ASC, or processing and learning issues, such as Dyslexia or Dyspraxia. Anxiety and trauma play a role, too; some children are born with a sensitive Amygdala. In addition, their attachment style may have a part;
Many parents unintentionally prevent their children from learning how to self-regulate. Sometimes parents lovingly attend to their child’s feelings at all times, which leads to the child not knowing how to.
I gave this free talk during the lockdown to further understand managing tantrums.
When do I need to worry if my child is dysregulated?
Each child’s brain develops at a different rate. There is less capacity to think in a three-year-old than in a seven-year-old. Sometimes, children experience emotional dysregulation, but you may need to seek help if they:
- Have constant tantrums and meltdowns that last for hours
- Struggle if a routine is changed
- Find transitions hard
- Repetitive and restricted behaviours
- Sensory issues
- Struggle within the school and home environment
- Are distracted and distracting
- Sleep Difficulties
- Up-and-down moods never seem to be just calm
Remember, your child is in distress. Therefore, limits are needed, and understanding and options to calm them down. When children present in this way, they operate on their “lower downstairs brain” ( Limbic and Reptilian Brains), which means they must learn how to calm down this system. Contact me for a consultation if you are struggling.
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