Children can experience insomnia, too, and their sleepless nights can impact the entire family. For parents, watching a child struggle to fall asleep or stay asleep can be both frustrating and concerning. Sleep is essential for a child’s growth, emotional well-being, and ability to concentrate during the day. Poor sleep not only affects these areas but can also worsen existing mental health challenges. Children with sleep difficulties may have trouble focusing, processing information, making decisions, or keeping up with daily tasks, potentially limiting their participation in school, social activities, and family life. Importantly, persistent sleep problems can be a signal of underlying mental health difficulties. Recognising and addressing sleep concerns early is crucial, as they may help parents catch potential mental health challenges before they grow, supporting a child’s emotional and behavioural well-being.
In this article, we’ll explore what insomnia in children looks like, why it happens, and what you can do as a parent to help your child rest more easily.
What is Insomnia in Children?
Insomnia is defined as difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up too early. For children, this might manifest as:
- Struggling to fall asleep at bedtime (even when they are tired).
- Frequent night wakings that make it hard to return to sleep.
- Waking up too early in the morning and being unable to go back to sleep.
- Feeling tired and irritable during the day due to lack of sleep.
- Avoiding going to bed
Short-term insomnia, also known as acute insomnia, lasts for a few days to a few weeks. It is normal to struggle with sleep around important events, even positive ones such as parties or holidays. Excitement and anxiety can both keep us awake. One or two nights of poor sleep does not necessarily forecast a problem, and most young people can cope with that.
Long-term insomnia, also called persistent or chronic insomnia, occurs when a child struggles with sleep at least three times a week, and the problem continues for a month or longer.
Children may also develop negative associations with bedtime, causing anxiety as nighttime approaches.
How Much Sleep Does My Child Need
As stated by the Royal College of Psychiatry:
The amount of sleep needed gradually decreases from infancy to adulthood.
Every child is different but as a general rule of thumb:
- toddlers need about 12-14 hours sleep (including daytime naps)
- preschoolers (aged 3-5) need 11-12 hours sleep
- school-age children need 10-11 hours sleep
- teenagers need 9-10 hours sleep.
What Causes Insomnia in Children?
There are many reasons a child might have trouble sleeping, and it’s important to identify the root cause in order to address it effectively. Here are some common factors:
- Anxiety and Stress
Children, like adults, can experience anxiety that disrupts their sleep. If your child is feeling anxious or depressed, they might have trouble falling asleep. This can happen for various reasons.school pressures, worries about friendships, or fears (like being afraid of the dark or nightmares). Also, teenagers and younger children may have separation anxiety. One common reason is that their minds may be full of worries or thoughts that keep them awake. Even if they do manage to fall asleep, they might wake up during the night, start worrying again, and find it hard to go back to sleep. Sometimes, children wake up too early and can’t get back to sleep either. When sleep becomes a problem, it can make things worse. Lack of sleep can make anxiety or depression worse, and the worry about not sleeping enough becomes just one more thing they worry about. - Irregular Sleep Routines
Inconsistent bedtimes or varying nighttime activities (not enough calm activities before bedtime) can confuse your child’s natural sleep-wake cycle. This makes it harder for them to unwind and fall asleep consistently. - Sleep Associations
Some children rely on specific conditions to fall asleep, such as being rocked, having a parent in the room, or listening to music. When these conditions aren’t present in the middle of the night, they may wake up and struggle to fall back asleep on their own. - Diet and Stimulation
Consuming sugary foods or caffeine (often hidden in chocolate or fizzy drinks) too close to bedtime can keep a child awake. Screen time before bed is another common culprit, as the blue light emitted by tablets and phones can interfere with melatonin production, making it harder for them to feel sleepy. - Medical Conditions and Physical Discomfort
Physical issues like restless leg syndrome, sleep apnea, asthma, or allergies may cause discomfort during the night, leading to restless sleep. If your child complains of physical discomfort, consult a healthcare provider to rule out medical causes. - Medicines that might make children more alert – for example, antidepressants, cold and flu tablets, or medicines used to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
How to Help Your Child Overcome Insomnia
As a parent, you can play a crucial role in helping your child overcome insomnia by creating a consistent and calming bedtime routine. Here are some tips that can support better sleep habits:
1. Establish a Consistent Routine
Children thrive on routine, and their sleep schedule is no exception. Set a regular bedtime and wake-up time, even on weekends. You want to prevent social jetlag. This helps regulate their internal clock, making it easier for them to feel sleepy when it’s time to go to bed.
Your child’s bedtime routine should also be calming. Try activities like:
- Reading a bedtime story
- Taking a warm bath
- Listening to soft, calming music
These rituals called sleep cues will signal to your child that it’s time to wind down.
2. Create a Sleep-Friendly Environment
Make sure your child’s bedroom is conducive to sleep. Dim the lights in the evening to encourage melatonin production, and keep the room cool and quiet. If your child is afraid of the dark, a soft nightlight can be helpful, but try to keep the room as dark as possible. Ensure it is tidy and they have a supportive mattress and pillow. Temperature is important too.
3. Manage Screen Time Carefully
Set Boundaries Around Device Use: Restricting screen time in the evening can reduce overstimulation and exposure to blue light, which interferes with melatonin production, the sleep hormone.
Consider Night Mode or Blue Light Filters: If screens are necessary in the evening, using night mode can lessen blue light exposure.
Remove any distractions from the bedroom, especially screens. The blue light from devices like phones and tablets can make it harder for your child to fall asleep. Aim to turn off all screens at least 60 minutes to an hour before bedtime. I know this is hard so be realistic and start by reducing by ten minutes and gradually decreasing time. Go to my other article on limiting Blue Light exposure.
4. Encourage Relaxation Techniques
If anxiety or worry is keeping your child awake, teaching them simple relaxation techniques can help them manage their stress. Breathing exercises, mindfulness, or visualising a safe and calming place can be useful tools.
For example, a simple belly breathing exercise can help:
- Have your child place their hand or their Teddy on their stomach.
- Breathe in deeply through the nose, feeling their belly rise.
- Slowly exhale through the mouth, feeling the belly fall.
Repeating this exercise a few times can help calm both the mind and body, making it easier to sleep. You can also create a self-soothe box.This is a box (shoebox) that can include anything used to distract and soothe in times of stress. It uses the five senses. It originates from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and addresses managing and tolerating distress. Children are not born with self-control, so they must continue to learn and develop emotional regulation skills (this carries on until they are 25). I used the box in CAMHS for adolescents who self-harm, but it can be used with younger children, probably five upwards.
5. Address Sleep Associations
If your child relies on specific cues to fall asleep, like you staying in the room, try to gradually reduce your involvement. This might mean sitting further from their bed each night until they feel comfortable falling asleep independently.
Another helpful technique is comforting check-ins where you reassure your child by briefly returning to their room after a few minutes, extending the time between check-ins each night. This builds their confidence to sleep without constant reassurance.
Additionally, for younger children who often get in and out of bed, using a nighttime pass helps this.This is particularly beneficial for younger children, specifically those in primary school. The idea is to create a small pass together, for the child to place under their pillow. The child will then receive a small reward the next morning if they only use the pass once. This pass gives them the opportunity to leave their bedroom and complete the one thing they really want to do before going to sleep.
6. Monitor Food and Activity
Avoid giving your child sugary snacks or caffeine in the evening. Instead, focus on light, sleep-friendly snacks like a small piece of fruit, yogurt, or a warm glass of milk.
Make sure they get enough physical activity during the day, but avoid stimulating activities right before bed. Encourage quiet play or reading in the last hour before sleep.
7. Managing challenging thoughts
Negative thinking patterns, often called “cognitive distortions,” can be particularly troubling for children at night when their minds are quiet and their worries surface. These thought patterns are usually unrealistic, but they can feel very real and distressing, impacting how your child perceives themselves, their world, and even their safety. For a parent, it’s important to recognise that these thoughts aren’t just minor worries but can be deeply rooted, making it hard for your child to relax and feel secure. Younger children are too young to identify them, and so the suggestions below may not be appropriate.
At night, without the distractions of the day, your child’s mind may focus on these worries, amplifying them. They might think in extremes, such as “nothing will ever get better” or “I always mess up,” which can fuel anxiety or low self-esteem. These negative thoughts can feel overwhelming, leading to a cycle of sleeplessness and more anxiety.
Here are a few tips for parents to help their children manage these thoughts:
- Acknowledge and Validate Feelings: Rather than dismissing the worries as “silly” or “nothing to worry about,” acknowledge how real these fears feel to your child. Saying something like, “I can see that this is really bothering you,” helps your child feel understood.
- Challenge the Thoughts Together: Gently help your child question their thinking by asking, “Is that always true?” or “What else could be happening?” This helps them see that there might be another, less frightening explanation or outcome.
- Give alternatives: We can do this. We are safe. You can be powerful
- Create a “Worry Journal”: Encourage your child to write down their worries before bed and then set it aside. You can assure them that they can return to it during the day when the worries feel less overwhelming.
- Limit Negative Media Exposure: Since negative thinking can be reinforced by what your child is exposed to, try to monitor and limit their intake of distressing news, scary shows, or negative conversations, especially before bed.
By talking about these thoughts, you can help your child learn how to recognise and handle them. It is important to keep in mind that a child must confront their fears to experience a sense of security. This will help them sleep better and feel more in control of their worries. Your child may need Cognitive Behaviourial Therapy, which is a recognised treatment for insomnia, but is dependant on their cognitive capacity. Play and Sandplay Therapy can help younger children.
You can also watch a free video I did on sleep below:
When to Seek Professional Help
Insomnia can sometimes be a symptom of underlying issues like anxiety disorders, depression, ADHD, or physical health problems. If your child’s insomnia persists despite efforts to improve their sleep hygiene, it may be time to consult a doctor or a sleep specialist. A sleep consultation can help identify the root causes of your child’s insomnia and provide tailored solutions to improve their sleep quality. Don’t wait—better rest can lead to a happier, healthier child and more peaceful nights for the whole family. Contact me for a sleep consultation.
Final Thoughts
Helping a child overcome insomnia takes patience, but with the right approach, most sleep problems can be resolved. By establishing a healthy sleep routine, creating a calming environment, and addressing any underlying worries or fears, you can guide your child toward better sleep and, in turn, better days.
Remember, it’s important to model good sleep habits yourself, as children often take cues from their parents. Show them that rest is essential, and encourage a family culture of winding down and prioritising sleep.
A well-rested child is happier, healthier, and more ready to take on the challenges of each new day.
Ps. Do not forget we gain an hour in the UK this Sunday. Great for teenagers, but for more tips on this, go to my blog Common Mistakes When Clocks Fall Back
Disclaimer:
This article is for general advice and support for parents. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If your child is experiencing ongoing sleep issues or you have concerns about their mental health, please consult with a healthcare professional, such as your GP, a mental health specialist, or a paediatrician. Always seek professional advice tailored to your child’s specific needs.