Do your children know what your House/family Rules are? Do you have many or none?
Working with hundreds of families, I know that each family has unique rules, which come in different shapes and sizes. The rule is essential to help your child feel safe and contained. Remember, these can be discussed together in family meetings. Being an Authoritative Parent is the most effective parenting style.
Common examples are:
- Not hurting each other physically
- Shouting,
- Dawdling,
- Fighting and squabbling.
- Phones/screens off at 8pm.
However, many parents make the mistake of using words like NO… no more… stop doing… When you use words like this, your child is not entirely clear about what they need to do differently.
Make Rules Effective by using the following:
Words that are specific, easy to understand and demonstrate the behaviour you want to see.
If you want no shouting, the rule could look like this:
Quiet, soft voice when talking or responding/answering back
If you want no hitting, the rule could be like this:
Use gentle hands, and name/talk out feelings
If you want to give a time boundary, the rule could look like this:
Be home by 9 (weekdays). Text me if you are going to be late (for teenagers)
Select your top three rules and focus on ONE at a time. Many parents make the error of tackling multiple rules simultaneously, leading to feelings of being overwhelmed. Additionally, this can result in inconsistency. It is important to establish consequences for breaking the rules and to remember that spending time and giving effective praise are key factors in making your rules effective in the future.
