We are living in challenging and uncertain times. The long term impact of COVID-19 is unknown. Above all, children were unable to engage with school, friends, or activities. Consequently, some children may be especially down on themselves. Maybe you’ve noticed that your child keeps tells you they don’t want to do anything. In the same vein, may even say that they are no good at anything or similarly catastrophize, as a result avoid an activity. Furthermore, they perceive it will:
- Go wrong
- Be unsuccessful
- Become too distressing for them
Does this sound like your child sometimes?. If this is the case, they may be suffering from negative thinking patterns.
What are Negative Thinking Patterns?
Often, we call negative thinking patterns ” cognitive distortions”. Sometimes they can be referred to as challenging thoughts, and even thinking mistakes or errors. They are often unrealistic but above all, they may have a significant impact on your child’s behavior, perception, and self-esteem. The thinking can be so entrenched and disabling for your child. Furthermore, this type of cognitive distortions may have escalated during the pandemic.
Most importantly, children who experience these types of thinking patterns are often anxious and therefore become caught up and flooded in circular thinking traps.
The psychologist Paul Stallard in his book (A Clinician’s Guide to Think Good-Feel Good: Using CBT with Children and Young People) p121 identifies four traps:
1.Negative Glasses– Your child may only see negative things.
2.Positive doesn’t count- your child rubbishes all the good things that occur.
3. Blowing things up- your child can sometimes make negative things become bigger than they are.
4.Mind reading or fortune telling– Your child assumes they know what everyone thinks or knows what is going to happen.
Everyone including the adults suffers from cognitive distortions from time to time and it is normal. Clinicians become concerned when this type of thinking becomes entrenched, creates distress and ultimately affects everyday activities.
Ideas to help you and your child.
If you can help to name, label, challenge and transform the “thinking”. This is how CBT often works. It’s helpful for any parent to identify with your patterns of thinking. For example, if your child is suffering from anxiety, you may worry/catastrophize that they will never get better and you might be a terrible parent and it’s all your fault.
Firstly, talk to and educate your child about anxiety. Don’t worry, your child will find it reassuring rather than worrying.
Find ways for identifying the thoughts, your child will need to have enough cognitive capacity, be developmentally appropriate. Draw it out, do a mind map, play being a detective.
It’s very helpful to separate/ externalise the “thinking errors” from you and your child. We are always so more than our thoughts, they are not the whole of them or you. Try to praise and encourage the other parts of them. Set up special time, it’s very easy for everyone to fall into a negative cycle.
You might say, who is that that comes out every time we want to go out?.
For younger children names such as:
- The worry wobbler
- The scardiness
Help them to find ways to calm their body as well as their thoughts.Use visualizations, music, storybooks, coping imagery such as the safe place meditation below. Please go to my blog for free anxiety resources ( websites, books etc) .
Have clear expectations of what you may want your children to do. It’s good to set up an experiment with them to test their thoughts and see if what they thought would happen comes true.
Following this, encourage them to challenge and face their fears. This is probably the most difficult aspect for parents. It is likely that your child will want to avoid the situation. Work together using the ladder of success below. At the top place your goal and all the steps your child needs to do.
You can download my Ladder of Success BELOW:
I hope this helps everyone. I will be running an online parenting workshop on Anxiety and other workshops in the Autumn. If you want to be notified or you need further support, then do contact me. You can in addition be notified via my newsletter.
Stay safe and well, with love and gratitude Catherine.
The information provided in this blog is intended for information purposes only. Therefore, while every reasonable effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of the information packages, no guarantee can be given that the information is free from error or omission.
The information on my website is NOT a substitute for proper diagnosis, treatment or the provision of advice by an appropriate health professional.