I believe strongly in empowering parents in my clinic room, and one of the simplest, most effective tools I share is the self-soothe box. Sometimes children need our help finding their way back to calm, and this is a genuinely simple, affordable way to give them that.
What is a self-soothe box?
A self-soothe box is simply a decorated shoebox, or any container, filled with items that help your child feel calm, safe, or comforted when they are struggling.
The idea comes from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, which focuses on tolerating and moving through distress. Children are not born knowing how to regulate their emotions, that skill develops gradually, right through into early adulthood. I have used this technique for years in CAMHS, particularly with adolescents managing self-harm, but it works just as well for younger children too, from around age five upwards.
How to create one together
Find a shoebox or small container, and decorate it together with your child, this part matters, it becomes theirs, not something imposed on them. Then brainstorm together what genuinely helps them feel safe, calm, or happy, choosing items that engage each of the five senses.
Touch: a soft lovey, a favourite toy, stress ball, pom-poms, hand cream, feathers or a soft brush, play-doh.
Smell: something of yours, like an old t-shirt, or a lotion or lavender oil, taking care with younger children.
Vision: photographs, calming postcards, funny pictures, or mindful colouring.
Sound: a favourite story, a recording of your voice, a short meditation, music, or nature sounds.
Taste, for teenagers and older children only: gum, a lollipop, or a favourite snack.
Using the self-soothe box
When your child is anxious, sad, or angry, encourage them to choose something from the box. Sit with them if you can, and help them focus mindfully on whatever they have picked, really noticing it with their senses, rather than rushing past it. This connects closely to how self-soothing supports genuine emotional regulation, something I explore further in Practical Steps to Help Your Child Self-Soothe and Is Your Child Emotionally Dysregulated?
The box travels well too, pack it for camp, sleepovers, or anywhere your child might need a little extra comfort away from home.
Parenting is hard work, but you do not have to do it alone. A self-soothe box is a small, simple thing, and it genuinely helps.
Interested in working with me?
If you would like more tailored support for your child or family, I offer one to one therapy for children and young people, therapeutic parenting support for parents, and training and consultation for professionals working with children and families. Please do get in touch if you would like to find out more.
You can reach me via my contact page.
Free resources
Understanding Your Child’s Guard Dog Brain explains what is happening in your child’s nervous system when big feelings take over.
Holding in the Storm is about staying steady as a parent in the hard moments.
When Darkness Comes includes specific support for sleep difficulties and anxiety at night.
All free to download.
Related reading
Practical Steps to Help Your Child Self-Soothe
Is Your Child Emotionally Dysregulated?
Five Positive Ways to Manage Anger
And if you would like occasional guidance and support straight to your inbox, you are very welcome to join my newsletter.
With warmth,
Catherine
