Autumn offers a genuine mirror to our own lives. As the trees let go of what they no longer need to make room for new growth, it’s worth asking ourselves the same question, is there anything I could let go of too?
Letting go isn’t just physical
It doesn’t need to be about clearing a cupboard or a wardrobe, though that can help too. We can let go of mental habits just as much, self-criticism, guilt, the quiet belief that you are somehow a “bad” parent, or even the exhausting need to be a perfect one. Ask yourself honestly, does a new pathway need laying down in how you think, or in your general attitude? What are the roots of the beliefs holding you where you are?
Why letting go feels so hard
We’re no different from the trees in Autumn, we just find it harder. Most of us cling to situations and habits we know, deep down, we outgrew years ago. To genuinely let go, we have to trust that things will be alright without them, letting go of fear, of control, of what other people might think of us.
Fear in particular gets in the way of what we actually want. In my clinic, I hear this constantly, parents afraid they’ve already damaged their child, or made a mistake that will follow them for life. I say this often, and I mean it: how can our children learn that mistakes are survivable, and something to grow from, if we never let them see us make one ourselves, or admit to it? Aim for good enough, not perfect. Good enough really is enough.
What families actually want
Take some time to think honestly about the kind of family life you’d like. What would that actually look like day to day? What would you do together? Have you asked the rest of your family what they’d want too?
Here’s something I notice constantly in my clinic: nine times out of ten, when I ask children what they’d genuinely like more of, it’s simple time together, not a big trip, not an expensive treat, just presence. That’s worth remembering as autumn settles in and the pace of life picks back up again.
Interested in working with me?
If you would like more tailored support for your child or family, I offer one to one therapy for children and young people, therapeutic parenting support for parents, and training and consultation for professionals working with children and families. Please do get in touch if you would like to find out more.
You can reach me via my contact page.
Free resources
Understanding Your Child’s Guard Dog Brain explains what is happening in your child’s nervous system when big feelings take over.
Holding in the Storm is about staying steady as a parent in the hard moments.
When Darkness Comes includes specific support for sleep difficulties and anxiety at night.
All free to download.
Related reading
Special Time: How 15 Minutes a Day Can Deepen Your Connection
Family Meetings for a Calmer Summer
Parenting with Peace: Calming Strategies When You Are Triggered
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With warmth,
Catherine
