7 Five Minute Calm Down Exercises for Your Child and Family

Each one activates the vagus nerve to steady big feelings.

Big feelings can surface anywhere – before a spelling test, in the supermarket queue, or when homework spirals.
The seven quick exercises below are tried and tested in my clinical practice; each one stimulates the vagus nerve, steadying heart rate and dialling down stress chemicals.
Practise them side by side and they’ll settle your child and give you, the parent, a reset of your own.

These tools don’t delete emotions such anger or fear ( we are human so that is impossible). However, they give the body a safety anchor so the feeling can pass instead of exploding or imploding.

May they help you and your family.

Understanding the Nervous System and the Vagus Nerve

The nervous system has two main parts:

• Sympathetic Nervous System: Activates the “fight or flight” response in times of perceived danger.
• Parasympathetic Nervous System: Activates the “rest and digest” state, calming the body and mind.

I remember the two as Sympathetic as Stress and Parasympathetic as Peace!

At the heart of the parasympathetic system is the vagus nerve — a long, wandering nerve that connects the brain to the heart, lungs, and digestive system.
When the vagus nerve is stimulated, it sends a powerful signal to the body:
“You are safe. You can relax.”

Stimulating the vagus nerve can:

• Slow the heart rate
• Lower blood pressure
• Reduce anxiety and stress
• Support digestion and immunity
• Improve emotional regulation

By learning to activate the vagus nerve through simple techniques, we can teach our bodies (and our children’s bodies) how to move from chaos back into calm.

Identifying Triggers and Preparing in Advance

Often, we know what situations tend to trigger anxiety, anger, or overwhelm. By using calming exercises before entering these situations — or as soon as you sense the build-up — you can help your parasympathetic system stay engaged.

Proactive regulation is key. It’s much easier to stay calm if you prepare the body ahead of time, rather than trying to “fight” a meltdown after it starts.

Helping Your Child Accept Calming Techniques

Sometimes parents in my practice say“what if my child doesn’t want to try?” or “They get more upset when I suggest something!”
This is completely normal — and it doesn’t mean the tools won’t work.

Here’s what can help:

• Keep language simple:
  During overwhelming moments, avoid complicated explanations. Use phrases like, “This helps your body feel safe,” or “This helps your brain calm down.” Later, when they’re settled, you can talk more about how the nervous system works.
• Practice when calm:
  Soothing strategies are much easier to learn during calm, playful times. Practice breathing exercises, humming, or grounding together when you’re reading stories, winding down for bed, or simply relaxing.
• Model it yourself:
  Children learn most powerfully by watching. If you practice calming strategies yourself — especially when you feel stressed — your child will naturally begin to copy you over time.
• Invite, don’t force:
  Offer techniques as gentle invitations, not commands. Try saying, “Want to blow some big dragon breaths with me?” or “Shall we hum like bumblebees?”
  Children are more likely to engage when they feel they have a choice and you work out problems together.
• Normalise all emotions:
  It’s okay to feel angry, anxious, sad, or scared. These tools aren’t about stopping emotions; they are about helping the body and brain stay steady and safe while feeling them. Additionally, when your child feels calm. It is so important to savour and feel ( internalise) that feeling. This helps to build implicit body memory and engage firing of neurons.

Quick Tip Don’t Give Up:

Regulation is a skill like learning to walk. It takes lots of gentle practise and lots of love.

Here are simple, science-backed techniques to help shift the nervous system from panic back to peace: All of these methods I have used in my practice. Some children are going to prefer some rather than others. You can experiment!

7 Vagus Nerve Soothe Mini Template ( the longer version is below)

1. Breathing

The importance of teaching your children how to breathe

Often, children grow up without knowing how to deal with strong and intense emotions.You can teach your children how to breathe through strong feelings from a young age, so they will learn that they will pass. Do it with them, and don’t be afraid to hold their hand; it will also benefit you. Connecting our mind with our body brings us peace and makes us feel at home in our hearts.

1. Set the scene (5–10 seconds)
Tell your child:

“Let’s pretend there’s a soft balloon in your tummy. When you breathe in, we’ll fill it up… when you breathe out, we’ll let all the air float away.”

2. Hand-on-belly cue (5 seconds)
Have them place one hand (or a favourite stuffed animal) on their belly. Feeling the rise and fall gives clear feedback and anchors attention.

3. The 4-2-4 rhythm (1 minute)

Repeat for 8–10 cycles (about a minute). The slightly longer, controlled exhale is what gives the vagus nerve its “massage,” promoting calm and heart-rate variability.

2. Intense Exercise to Calm the Brain

Physical activity that raises the heart rate — like jogging, power-walking, dancing, or even pacing — releases dopamine, serotonin, and noradrenaline, all of which regulate mood.

• Quickly relieves physical tension
• Reduces feelings of overwhelm
• Resets emotional balance

Even 5–10 minutes of movement can make a big difference!

3. Humming or Making a Voo Sound

When you make a “voo” sound or humming, you’re actually stimulating your vagus nerve, which plays a major role in calming your body and mind. Here’s how it works:

1. Vagus nerve activation:
   The vagus nerve is part of your parasympathetic nervous system — the “rest and digest” system. Gentle vocal vibrations (like humming, chanting “voo,” singing, etc.) activate this nerve, slowing your heart rate, reducing blood pressure, and calming stress responses.
   
2. Resonance and vibration:
   Making a deep “voo” sound or humming causes vibrations in your chest, throat, and head. These vibrations signal safety to your nervous system, helping shift you out of a fight-flight-freeze state into a calmer, more connected state.
   
3. Breath control:
   Humming or “voo” sounds naturally slow down your exhalation, which is linked to calming the nervous system.
   
4. Focus and mindfulness:
   When you hum or make the voo sound, you focus on the sound and sensation. This acts like a meditation, pulling you away from racing thoughts and into your body, here and now.
   

A simple “voo” exercise you can try:

• Sit or lie down comfortably.
  
• Take a deep breath in.
  
• As you exhale slowly, say “voooooooooooo” in a low tone until you run out of breath.
  
• Feel the vibration in your chest and face.
  
• Repeat 3–5 times.

4. Rhythmic Movement

Activities like drumming, tapping, rocking, or swinging help regulate the brainstem — the survival part of the brain responsible for basic safety responses.
Just like rocking soothes a baby, rhythmic movement calms the nervous system at any age.

Simple rhythmic movements include:

• Rocking in a chair
• Rocking in a hammock
• Swinging at the playground
• Gentle tapping on the knees or chest to a steady rhythm

5.Tapping Techniques for Different Ages

Butterfly Tapping for Younger Children

For younger children, Butterfly Tapping is a lovely, simple way to bring calming rhythm into their bodies.

How to do it:

• Ask the child to cross their arms over their chest, placing hands on their opposite shoulders (like giving themselves a hug).
• Gently tap one hand, then the other, back and forth — like butterfly wings flapping.
• You can guide them by tapping on your own shoulders so they can copy you.
• Combine with slow breathing or calming words like, “You are safe,” or “We can find calm together.”

This soothing motion engages both sides of the brain, supports grounding, and feels comforting — almost like a hug from the inside.

Tapping for Anxiety Relief (for Older Children and Teens)

Tapping is a simple, stress-relief technique that involves gently tapping on specific points of the body while focusing on feelings of stress or anxiety.
These points are part of the body’s energy system, similar to acupuncture points — but instead of needles, we use our fingertips.

Tapping can:

• Calm the brain’s alarm system (amygdala) that triggers fight-or-flight
• Reduce physical tension, racing thoughts, and overwhelm
• Create a reset for emotions, bringing balance and calm

Shoulder Tapping (simplified EMDR-inspired technique)

How it works:

• Bilateral stimulation: Alternating taps on the left and right shoulders engages both sides of the brain, helping to process emotions and reduce anxiety.
• Grounding: The rhythmic motion anchors attention into the body.
• Soothing: Gentle physical touch from a trusted adult can provide deep reassurance.

Steps for Parents:

1. Position Your Hands – Sit beside or in front of your child. Gently place your hands on their shoulders or upper arms, or show them how to do it themselves.
2. Start Tapping – Tap lightly and rhythmically, alternating from one shoulder to the other at a steady, comforting pace — like a heartbeat.
3. Encourage Calm Breathing – Invite your child to take slow, deep breaths while you tap. You can softly say phrases like, “You are safe,” or “We’ll get through this together.”
4. Let Them Try – Over time, encourage your child to try tapping their own shoulders. This can be especially helpful for older children managing anxiety independently, or during nighttime waking.

Tapping is simple, non-invasive, and can be practised anywhere — giving children a practical tool for emotional self-regulation.

6. Use Ice to Reset Your Nervous System

Cold exposure is a powerful and immediate way to activate the vagus nerve and calm the nervous system.
When we expose our body — especially the face, neck, or hands — to cold, it triggers a biological response called the diving reflex (also called the mammalian dive reflex).

Engages the parasympathetic nervous system through direct stimulation of the vagus nerve.This reflex evolved to help mammals survive in cold water, but in everyday life, we can use it intentionally to regulate intense emotions or panic given most of us don’t want to sit in an ice bath or have a cold shower.

Simple ways to use cold to calm:

If you have a panic attack, it’s unlikely you will want to have a cold shower. But you can achieve the same effect by:

• Holding an ice pack (or a bag of frozen peas) against your cheeks or against your neck
• Splashing cold water on your face
• Running your hands under cold water
• Sipping ice-cold water and stick your tongue into it
• Placing a cool, damp cloth on the back of your neck

Why it helps:

• Activates the vagus nerve directly through cold receptors in the face and neck
• Shifts focus from spiralling thoughts into immediate body sensations
• Creates a “reset” in the emotional brain, slowing everything down

Touch sends a powerful signal of safety to the brain. Gentle, rhythmic touch — whether from yourself or a trusted other — helps the body relax and regulates the nervous system.

When you engage in calming touch, like massaging your palm or giving yourself a hug, the body releases oxytocin — often called the “connection hormone” or “cuddle chemical.”

Oxytocin helps by:

• Reducing levels of the stress hormone cortisol
• Slowing heart rate and lowering blood pressure
• Creating a deeper sense of emotional safety and trust
• Strengthening feelings of calm, connection, and comfort

Ideas for self-soothing touch:

• Gently massaging your hand from the palm to each finger slowly
• Stroking your arms or legs with light, steady pressure
• Giving yourself a big, slow, tight hug
• Holding your own face gently with both hands
• Brushing your arms or legs with a soft fabric or scarf

When you or your child use soothing touch, you’re not only calming the nervous system — you’re actively shifting the body’s chemistry toward connection and peace.

Tip:
Parents can model this by rubbing their own hands together slowly, giving themselves a hug, or even using soothing touch with their child (if the child is comfortable) to deepen the sense of safety. A hand massage was my suggestion to a mother whose teenager who was suffering from panic and separation anxiety at night. It was a beautiful way for them to reconnect and calm during that trigger moment.

7. Self-Soothing Touch

• Hold an ice pack (or a bag of frozen peas) against your cheeks or against your neck
• Splash cold water on your face
• Run your hands under cold water
• Sip ice-cold water and stick your tongue into it
• Place a cool, damp cloth on the back of your neck

Why it helps:

• Activates the vagus nerve directly through cold receptors in the face and neck
• Shifts focus from spiralling thoughts into immediate body sensations
• Creates a “reset” in the emotional brain, slowing everything down

Age Tweaks at a Glance

First‑Aid Flow (when you sense a storm)

We are always learning and experimenting, the skill is to practice before the trigger. Sometimes you have to just be with your child at the moment.

1. Predict — notice early signs (jaw tight, voice pitch, hyperactivity, complaining of physical symptoms).
2. Pick one tool from the list.
3. Invite, don’t force. Offer choice: “Dragon Breath or Bee Buzz?”
4. Stay with them until breathing & tone soften.
5. Praise the skill, not the emotion: “You used your body brake so well in that moment”.

Signs That a Child May Need Professional Support

While emotional ups and downs are a normal part of development, some signs may indicate that a child is struggling with emotional dysregulation and could benefit from professional help.

These include:

• Persistent and intense mood swings that interfere with daily life
• Frequent meltdowns or emotional outbursts beyond what is typical for their age
• Difficulty calming down, even with support and soothing techniques
• Aggressive or self-harming behaviours, such as hitting, biting, or scratching
• Withdrawal from family, friends, or activities they once enjoyed
• Chronic anxiety, excessive worries, or frequent panic attacks
• Trouble sleeping, nightmares, or consistent bedwetting beyond an expected age
• Difficulty focusing, maintaining attention, or extreme impulsivity
• Physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches without a medical cause
• Expressing feelings of hopelessness, sadness, or low self-worth

Key Considerations for Seeking Help

1. Distress – Assess the level of distress your child is experiencing. Do they have frequent meltdowns, display visible signs of distress, or experience physical symptoms such as a sore tummy or headache? Consider the severity and frequency of these symptoms.
2. Duration – How long have these challenges persisted? While occasional difficulties are normal, prolonged struggles that do not improve over time may indicate a deeper issue. If symptoms persist for several months or worsen over time, seeking professional guidance can be beneficial.
3. Disruption – Evaluate how these difficulties are impacting daily life. Are they affecting your child’s ability to focus at school, participate in activities they once loved, or maintain healthy relationships? If emotional struggles are significantly interfering with their routine and well-being, professional support may be necessary.

Professional Guidance — Support That Fits Your Family

Even with the best techniques, If emotional dsyregulation is still disrupting daily life, please don’t hesitate to contact me for a consultation. I’m here to help both you and your child navigate these challenges. If you’re part of a school, PTA, or community organisation, I deliver evidence-based workshops and training on anxiety , sleep, ADHD, tantrums, meltdowns and more.

More Learning:

Why Talking About Anxiety Helps

How to manage negative thinking patterns

Unravelling Anxiety Disorders

Recognising the key signs of Anxiety

Relaxation

Self-soothe box to help calm down