All parents get upset, angry and anxious when dealing with their children. It would be very odd if you did not. Today I will focus on how to challenge your upsetting thoughts and discover some inner calm.
Research shows a relationship between how we think about a situation, how we feel about it, and what we do about it. This is the framework for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy ( CBT).
Here are five easy ways to challenge your thinking and find some calm.
1. Notice the negative thoughts and become aware of them. Either keep a diary, or you can download my free worksheet below. So think about a current situation and write it down. Discuss and complete with a friend/partner or even your child. When we share, we often feel supported.
Find your inner calm, challenge your thoughts worksheet
2. You may be aware of your thoughts, so try to accept their ideas.
We can’t eliminate our thoughts, so be compassionate with ourselves; it’s normal to experience negative Thinking. We all do. According to Paul Stellard, A CBT guru, we have certain thinking styles, such as:
- Catastrophic Thinking, thinking the worst will happen
- All or nothing, seeing everything in black-or-white terms
- Being a mind reader, assuming you can mind read and tell yourself what your children are thinking and doing. Not checking out what they believe or what their explanation may be.
Examples of Negative Thoughts. Cognitive Distortions.
Do you find yourself using language such as never, should, always….do you hear yourself saying:
- He is going to amount to nothing.
- He is so lazy.
- She is too powerful and too big,
- He will end up depressed
- Can’t I stand this?
In one way, the future does not exist, so staying within the present moment is essential. We can only do that by either changing our attitude or managing the thoughts that arise. Remember, you are not your thoughts.
Try to respond with the following:
- I am not going to think this right now
- All children misbehave at some point
- Maybe ….is tired or hungry
